I understand the provocation, I understand the appeal, I really do, is not that I’ve shut down my sexuality, it is still very much there but I would take sensual over sexual every damn time…
Because of Ts assistance the last couple of times I needed some “release” it dawn on me to ask a very important question… and I got my answer “Yes I am going to fuck you”
Although he previously told me that he has a very clear understanding of my needs and expectations for this play date, he also said he will do whatever he wants. I repeated the words “whatever?” I understand the type of man he is, although Mr. j and him are both military men, they are a complete different breed, there won’t be a moment of control….he told me from the first time we spoke, he is an edge player, he is all about force, consensual non consent, he respects limits that he feels are valid but for the most part he will do whatever he wants. Of course that’s what attracts me to him, I know he could take me where I want to go but my hard limit is not negotiable.
I responded that fucking is a hard limit that I’m sure a lot of girls would love to be fucked by him, he is very handsome but it’s still a hard limit.
“Smile* I intend for you to beg me to fuck you, But all in due course. You really think I’m handsome?
Sigh!!! I’m in trouble
Last night’s conversation with my brother in the lifestyle has me thinking about a lot of things (I didn’t calculate from that angle) he said “I hate being your conscious at times” he worries I understand. Are my sensors malfunctioning? Maybe alarm bells should be going off?
I will definitely hit the brakes and slow my happy ass down so the motto for today is Self control