After coming back from the session with Mr.J I felt super guilty, I didn’t know it would turn out into a session, I though we would just see each other for a few hours and that is it. I was staying with our mutual friend and I knew there was something off between then because I felt the tension in the air when I mentioned him to T so I knew that if I played with T it would make things worse between them seeing that I had physical evidence of our encounter earlier that morning.
He had a few meeting to go too so of course when I called him he wasn’t responding. I ended up leaving a message for him that said that I don’t think that I’m capable of submitting to him and that it would be best for me to get a hotel for the night. He called me on his way back home and told me to stop being silly and that I have to stay even if we didn’t play at all.
Once he came home we went to speak in private… I told him how I was feeling, Saying that I just didn’t want to submit because I didn’t believe I was a submissive… I didn’t lie, I told him the truth, this goes through my mind all the time. since earlier that evening before getting there I had told him I was getting cold feet…he was very understanding and I love that about him, I felt safe and We ended up cuddling in bed and spoke for a while about hypnosis, he felt asleep and everything, I thought it was kinda cute… He also asked if I wanted to go to a munch latter on that night and I was happy about that because I had a wonderful time at the munch, we had dinner with a bunch of people and he gave an introduction about hypnosis, it was awesome a lot of interesting questions and he was so graceful.
Later on that night my lifestyle sister slept over and in the morning she had to get to work early, but it was ok because we met up later for lunch.
Before leaving Ts house Mr.J came by, I was happy to see him and I really wanted to spend more time with him because I think it was what I needed. We didn’t have to say anything I just wanted to be close. I’m not the mushy type I’m not every affectionate and having that physical urge to be close with someone is freighting, I kept it under control and manage to say good bye I knew he was busy running around, it would be selfish of me to ask for more.
after the hypnosis session I left and had lunch with my sister at one of our favorite restaurants. and got on my way. I was supposed to meet up with my lifestyle brother but it didn’t happen and he was super upset about it, specially cause I haven’t seen him in a long time. he’s good now, but he is still a little upset